So much FUN!!!

We had a great time on our trip. We got to do everything we wanted to do and more.
Our first stop was in Pocatello to drop off Mack, we had a great dinner with John's Mom and two sisters and their families, and also my sister Chelsey came. Then I got to meet my cousins baby Savina. Such a cutie pie!!

The next morning we left early and stopped in Boise for breakfast with John's sister and her family.(John's sister Jenny and her family)

Then we stopped at my Brother house and went to dinner with him and his family. We never get to hang out, so that was fun!

It was great seeing family we don't get to see a whole lot! So happy we made those stops!(Carter, Roxy, and Bailei my niece and nephew)

(John, Paul my Brother, and I)(My sister in law Kristi and I)

It was a long rest of the drive to where my Mom lives. We didn't get there till really late. I drove almost the whole way and I couldn't see by the end. I slept good that night!
At my Mom's we went to a few parks and played with my sister and her kids. John got to fly on Mike's (my Mom's husband) airplane. He loved that!!! Mike let John take the controls for a while and said John was a natural. John gave credit to all the video games he plays. haha

My Mom made tons of good food! Sunday we went to her church.(The girls with their cousins, Julio and Vanessa at an awesome park!)

(My big sister Breck and I)

(Another park)(John and Mike after they got off the plane)

We left Monday morning and drove all day!
We didn't get to Sacramento till 1am. Woke up the next day and drove some more!
We finally got to our hotel in Anaheim on Tuesday.
We went to Disneyland Wed and Thursday. It was so much fun! We got a medical pass for John and for Shay so we were able to ride all the rides we wanted to ride on. and Roxy was just tall enough to go on almost everything. If you have little kids I suggest taking them there. The girls both had so much fun and they were on there best behavior. :)

(Thanks to Dave for meeting us both days to let us in!!!!)

(Perry the platypus)

(They fell in love with Winnie the Pooh there!)

Friday we went to Huntington Beach, we loved that. Shay wanted to be in the waves and the Ocean the whole time and Roxy loved playing in the sand too! I loved the water, but not the taste. Yuck! We came to realize that we didn't have to worry about people getting into our things. It was the seagulls we had to watch out for, they were pecking all of our stuff and looking for food. Luckily we didn't have any.

We headed towards Las Vegas Sat Morning, when we got to John's Dad house his step Mom had a wonderful meal prepared for us. She made great food while we were there as well. That night we went swimming in their pool. Always a good time. We went on a train ride in Boulder City, it was neat and fun, and it was hot. John and I went to David Copperfield and John got to go up on stage, but was just a person checking the magic trick. It was fun and we were pretty close. The only thing is, the sodas were $6.00 and the popcorn was $11.00 for a bucket. They were robbing people. It was crazy! Still worth it!! Thanks for watching the girls!!!(On the train, John's Dad, the girls and John)

(John's little brother Wyatt and the girls waiting for the train to start)(At David Copperfield)

We took the girls and John's little brother downtown Las Vegas. We went to eat at Denny's(Shay's favorite), then we went to the Coke and M&M. Lots of fun stuff to look at! Then we stopped and went to an outlet mall and found a sweet deal on some tennis shoes for the girls for this next school year.(Tastes around the world at Coke store)

We left the next morning and stopped in St. George for lunch with John's Grandparents. It was great to see them!

Then we drove home. We were all getting anxious and tired of the car. It was a lot of driving, but well worth it!!!
Thank you Everyone for making it possible for us to go! It was so wonderful not to have to stress about all the things we have going on. I will be eternally grateful to all of you!!

Our Trip

John only has one more TomoTherapy radiation treatment and the tumor in his pelvic bone should be gone. Not sure when they will be doing a CT to check it. I started working full time so right after work I would take John to his appointment. We were busy for a bit, but my Mom was here to help for a lot of time. She helped a TON! So glad she could come down here from WA and spend some time with us too!
We cannot wait to go on our trip. We are so excited to get away from all the stresses that have been in our lives for a long while. Although some people were discouraging about it, we made a decision to have John wait to do his chemo after our trip. If they only knew the tortures of chemo they would understand. I am happy with our decision and complete fine with putting off John getting very sick from chemo for a few more weeks. I am not looking forward to those days, and I am so thankful for the opportunity others have given us to have some fun together!
So we are leaving on the 4th of August, we will be heading to Pocatello after I get off work to take Mack (our dog) to the in laws. Waking up early the next day we are going to drive to WA, to see my family, stopping to see my brother Paul and his family, and then toward Seattle area to see my Mom and Sister and her kids. My Mom and I planned a few things while she was here, so I know it will be fun. I am excited to go up there, John and I lived up by Tacoma when we were first married. I loved it there! I can't wait to see the beautiful green trees again!! Maybe we will drive by our old apartment. :)
After that we are going to drive down to CA, stopping in Sacramento to split the trip into two days. I don't feel like putting ourselves through that much sitting in the car together. If you met my children you would know why. They hate each other only in the car for some reason. haha
I have a few things planned for us to do once we get down to Anaheim. We are going to go to the Aquarium down there, Disney Land for two days, we are going to eat Breakfast with Mini and friends, and Roxy really wants to be turned into a Princess. She wants to go to Pixie Hollow to meet Tinkerbell. I think we will find lots of things to do there. The girls are excited about that part! We are going to go to a beach of course. Roxy keeps telling us how she wants to see the ocean. I am sure we will find lots of other fun things to do once we get down there. Can't wait!
Once done in Cali, we are heading up to Henderson, NV to see John's Dad and more family. We are looking for shows for John and I to go on a date downtown while we are there. I am trying to talk him into going to Chippendale's, but we will see. We are going to head downtown with the girls one day too, they love it there. Probably go see the dolphins again and go to the arcade at Circus Circus, maybe the M&M casino, I have never even been there! I just glad we will have time to do lots of fun stuff on this trip.
It's going to be weird not working for almost 2 weeks, and not going to doctor appointments and not cleaning my house! But it WILL be fun!
Thanks to everyone for making it possible for us!

Avastin again

John is starting up the Avastin again, he has a treatment today. He also has to get his TomoTherapy(radiation) today. Luckily they are in the same building. His friend from work Lee is going to be taking him, and I will pick him up when I get off work. He likes to go by himself sometimes, so he can rest.
It makes him really tired. So he will be resting for a few days. He is doing well. He is getting stronger and stronger every day. He's just really tired. Hoping after this week he can start feeling a bit better.
He gets some of his staples and stitches out on Wednesday. He is nervous about it, but it will be good to move on from that stinking biopsy!

The plan so far

Yesterday was a fun 4th of July, we spent it with John's family in Idaho and had a blast!! They did a ton of work and it made for a great experience!!! Thank you all!!!(John's sisters rented a bouncy house! It was awesome!)
(All the cousins and Aunt Missy, cut some on the side, sorry boys!)

(Mack and our niece Erika)
(Even Mack went down the slide a few times, haha)

(John's brother in law Adam, John, and Missy)

Today John starts his first day of TomoTherapy on his tumor in his pelvic bone. We need to make sure, but he is supposed to be getting 15 treatments done. He will be going to an office in Layton every business day for 15 days. The treatments are short and painless. The side effects should just be fatigue. I keep thinking about when John had his radiation last time(3 years ago), and how he had to get 33 treatments in a row and how it was down in SLC at the Huntsman and how gas was $4.33 a gallon, and how John got so sick that he lost tons of weight and had to get hyrdrated after by the end of it. and how I had been taking Shay to her therapies at that time and I had Roxy who was a one year old. It was hard and crazy busy but we did it!!

Last Friday John had a CT scan and we will find out the results on Wednesday, (tomorrow) if he is feeling well enough and his doctor okay's it, he may get his Avastin treatment that day. Also tomorrow he has to go up to the hospital and get another xray and blood work to make sure everything is going ok after his stay in the hospital. At his appointment with his oncologist tomorrow we plan to talk with the doctor about the results from the lab in California and decide which chemotherapy drugs he wants to try. It's going to be a long day full of doctors and hospitals. Wish us luck!!

How great thou art!!!!!

Over these past few months I have continued to be amazed at all the acts of kindness and service that has been shown to my family and I!
First John's friends from work did a fund raiser for us to go on a family vacation. His friend Greg ordered these cool rubber bracelets that say "Casper against Cancer" They are blue for John's sports teams Yankees and Giants. He surprised us one day, by calling us to meet him on his lunch and handed John an envelope through our car windows. (hopefully no police were watching) They want us to go on a trip with the money. Thank you Greg and family and Tyson and everyone at Comcast who donated!!
Then another friend from John's work gave us a voucher for a discount stay at a hotel in California. Thanks to you!!!

Also John's sister set up a donation link on a website for him. To help with medical bills. Thanks Jenny.

When John decided to try all that natural stuff, our families really pulled it off to help us out to be able to afford all of it! It was a nice reminder of how important family is and how they will do anything for us! We love you all and appreciate everything you have done for us!!!

John's Dad's cousin Tami helped us out by giving John the information about the tumor testing place in California, she may have helped to save John's life. Let's pray it works!! Which I will blog about later, we got some results from there, but waiting to see which kind of chemo his oncologist wants him to take. Also Tami's mother send a wonderful card and check for John!

I have some pretty amazing friends down here in Utah who secretly set up a fund raiser for us to go on a trip as well. I figured it out right after because I am not good with secrets that they had done a yard sale in our neighborhood. (thanks Nancy for letting them use your yard!) I heard it was really wonderful all the people who came and helped and who donated items and donated money. I wish I could have been there to personally thank every single person. Also they set up a bank account for people just to donate. So last night a bunch of people from the neighborhood showed up on our lawn with a huge check, (literally a huge check with Yankees background, thanks Kimble!) a huge bouquet of balloons, a large card signed by lots of people, (so cute, thanks Kirstan) and smiles on their faces!! I felt really special and loved by all of them! I feel so blessed to be in such a wonderful ward and to have such special people around me at this time is very overwhelming!! Thank you all so much, I don't even know what to say! I love you all!!!!! Another post is soon to come with our vacation details. :) Oh ya, and I almost cried but didn't want to look like a big baby!! haha I couln't stop smiling!!! I know John was excited too!! Shay loves the balloons.

My neighbors brother works for a radio station here in Utah. 104.7 the Zone!! He produces and has a show too. How cool is that! It's a sports talk station, who doesn't love sports?? So my friend Kirstan and him it up for him to mention John's blog on his radio station. So one day a few weeks ago him and a few people stopped by my house to drop off a generous check from some gentleman who drove to the radio station to deliver the check. He didn't want to put his credit card online, which is understandable. What a sweet man, a stranger to do this for our family! We thank you from the bottom of our hearts! and a shout out to Will Smith for mentioning John and his blog!! (radio style) Seriously, thank you! It means more than you know!!!

I have a neighbor behind me that is an angel!! Well she and I had planned to do this joy school with her little girl, for Roxy and some other moms in the area. So how it works is we take turns teaching the kids. So if there were 5 kids I would take a turn every 5 weeks. Well I was very stressed about Roxy's preschool this year for some reason and I kept worrying about it because I don't want her to be bored while I work. So I had plans to put her in an LDS preschool 3 days a week here in Kaysville, and then do the Joy school with the ward. So after we heard news about John, I decided that we couldn't afford the LDS preschool, which is fine, and that I wouldn't have the time to do the Joy school, because I just don't know what the future holds. I felt horrible to tell my friend that Roxy wouldn't be able to join the class. I called her and apologized and she was so nice and said she understood. So the next day she called me up and told me that she talked with the other Moms and they all decided that they wanted Roxy to be in the class still but I didn't have to worry about taking a turn teaching. I told her I would feel bad not helping out! But she was persistant at calling me and letting me know that they wanted to do it to help us and that they just love Roxy. :) What a sweetheart she is, and all the other Moms too!! Also she called me the other day and told me that her husband knew a way to get us free tickets to Disney Land. He stopped by and told me that it was all set up and that we were getting two days if we would like. It's amazing!!! You two are so nice and wonderful examples to me! Thank you both!!! We love you!!! We can't wait for both!!!

Last Saturday our Bishop and his family came over and did all our yard work for us! They planted some beautiful flowers and put mulching in all the flower beds. It's beautiful!! They acted like it wasn't a big deal, but it was a huge deal because I wasn't excited to mow the lawn. I made my sister do it last time! hahahaha Thanks Bishop and family and thanks to Brynne too! So thankful them!!

The ward has been such a great help. What a blessing it is to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. They have been brining us meals in. There has been so many people calling me to offer to babysit and help us out in any way! I cannot express the graditude I feel for all the kind people who are helping, have helped, and will help in the future!! Thanks so much Kaysville 1st Ward!!!!!!

I have some amazing friends who have helped out tremendoulsy by helping me out with my girls. We don't have family close by us and so I have to rely on my good friends to help me when John has appointments or whatever. I know they are all busy and they have their own things going on. So I want them to know how much I appreciate every single time!!! Also I want to thank everyone who has offered to babysit as well. it's been so overwhelming all the people who want to help!! Love you all!!!

We have these neighbors who are so nice. They are this cutest old couple and they live in the cutest little house and they take such good care of us!! They are always calling to check on us and always offering to help in any way. I just love them and I love how they make me want to be better. They are wonderful people and I wanted them to know that!!!! Thank you two for all your love and support!!! I hope we always have such amazing neighbors as you!!

I am just feeling very blessed and loved by all of you. I keeping thinking how I hate cancer and what it is doing to John, but how lucky we have been to have experienced all this greatness!!!! Thank you again to all!!!!! Oh ya thanks to everyone who came to see John at the hospital!! I gotta stop now, I could go on and on........... This is all the recent things that have happened to us. It has been years of people doing amazing thing to help!!!

John's second return home

Whew! John finally was released from what I would call a crap stay at the hospital. It got a little crazy at times with the doctor. Some of those nurses were amazing and took really good care of both John and I. We wanted the cool ones to stay and hang out with us, but they had other patients that were in need. We heard about this one guy who wrecked on his motorcycle and broke a lot of bones, so between him and John his nurses were busy! Luckily John's sister was able to come down and help with the girls, she and her kids came down from Idaho right away and helped out tremendously! I don't even know how to thank her, she was a busy bee for the whole week!!!

Luckily John got to come home on Wednesday. John sister Missy and I had a little celebration planned. We were so excited, and the kids were too!(Before John got home)

I am so crazy lately I forgot to bring John a shirt to come home in. I felt bad he had to wear his gown home, but he made it look good. haha Missy and the kids made posters for John and wrote cute notes on the windows, they decorated with green because that is John's favorite color. It was way cute, Thanks MISSY!!!!!!

Here a few more pics of the party!!!(I think Mack was the most excited to see John)

(Not great of the kids, but still precious!)

Hospital Stay

It seems like it's been a long time that John has been in the hospital, I have been staying up there with him and coming home almost every day to check on the girls and for personal hygiene. I think I could see grease dripping out of my hair tonight, I was so nasty! haha Feels good to come home for a few.
John is feeling a lot better, they scared me last night and said that if he doesn't start breathing deeper or coughing he could get pneumonia. He had a fever of 102.5 and they were freaking out because of it, which made me freak out. Luckily his fever went down late this afternoon and he is feeling a ton better tonight. Last night was a pretty rough night for him. I feel so bad I have to watch him be in so much pain and all I can do is try to help him feel comfortable, I think since his surgery I have readjusted his pillows like 45 times.
I think he thinks if he moves into a different position he will feel better, but it's not working out so well. Tomorrow morning they are going to stop the suction on the chest tube and see how he is doing without it. He will not be coming home tomorrow.
John's sister Missy drove down from Idaho to help us with the girls. So nice of her! She has been helping a ton and we don't even know how to thank her! She brought the girls up to see John tonight because John was really missing them. They said hi to John and then were interested in all the things around in his room. It was a short visit, but hopefully everything John needed. I have been missing them too! It's weird not being around them.
I have a lot of people to thank for all their help and support through all this! I will be posting about that soon.

I have been feeling very comforted during all this and for some reason I am doing pretty good, just tired from not getting much sleep. I am just worried about John and hoping he can get over this soon, so he can move forward and get his treatments he needs.(This is the tube that was in John's back the first time. Starting from the gauze was all inside his back. That's why he is in so much pain, mostly.)

oh great, John has a high fever, hoping it isnt too serious!!!!

Surgery Today

So instead of the Doctor taking his chest tube out this morning, we heard news that they want do surgery on his lungs to ensure that his lung doesn't collapse again. Now I was working this morning so John's sister is up there with him. So I don't know any details about what they are going to be doing. Please pray and send good thoughts for John this morning!! I just got news that they are taking him back to the OR right now. All I know is that he will still have a chest tube when he gets out of surgery, so I feel bad for John, he is just very uncomfortable with that dang tube up his back!

He called and talked with the girls just now and said he was nervous. I will update on how he is doing when I hear and have time to share. I am heading to the hospital asap.

What the....

Yesterday John's lung collapsed and we all went up to the hospital and they put a pack on his back and told him that since his vitals were normal he could be sent home and wait till his lung went back to normal. John said yes to going home, not wanting to have to get another chest tube in his back.
But all day he was coughing a ton and he had fluid coming out of his back because of his lung collapsing that last night he was in a lot of pain and he started to swell pretty bad. So around 11:30pm after calling his doctor, we decided to go to the ER.
They brought him right back and waited for his doctor to get there. They worked fast and got him all ready to put the chest tube in and told me that I needed to step out. Right before John had asked me to come hold his hand because I could tell he was a lot anxious about it all. I walked out and told him I love him and he looked at me and told everyone "I don't want to, I don't want to do it."
They didn't really give him good pain meds and just numbed the area a little bit, he told me today that he could feel them cutting into him. By the way I forgot to mention they had to cut a new hole in him for this chest tube. Sucks!
The doctor told me after "Well this usually doesn't happen." So that's not cool! But hopefully it will be okay. While I was home showering John's friend called me and told me that they decided to sew up that other hole which cause the collapse. So that's good.
He will hopefully come home tomorrow, but may need to be in there a while longer to get his pain under control and make sure his lung stays inflated.

I can't even believe all the help and offers for helor us! It's more than words can say and I don't even feel like I am seeming grateful enough! If all I can say is thank you in return, it just doesn't feel like enough!! I love everyone and I am so thankful!!

Radiation tattoos (gross photo)

Yesterday at John's radiation appointment he got his first tattoo! I thought it was awesome because I had seen this episode of Friends a long time ago about how Phoebe wanted a tattoo but she was nervous about it. It was hilarious! So I called John's six dot tattoos planets as seen from a very far distance. Here is a pic of John's wounds from his surgery on Monday if you look close you can see a black dot with the ink all around it. That's one of his six new tattoos. He is still pretty sore, but doing a lot better!!
Don't forget to watch the clip from the friends episode below!! :)

Friends Pheobe's Tattoo

John's coming home!

John will be coming home this afternoon, his procedure went well. He had this huge chest tube in his back that was hurting him pretty bad. Once they took that out he started to feel better, they kept him an extra night because he was in a lot of pain. The doctor told him that he wont start feeling better for a few weeks, but in those next few weeks he will be starting cancer treatments that will make him tired. So hopefully he can start to feel better quicker than that.

Nervous for him to come home, but I'm sure we will figure it out. John's Mom came down from Idaho to help watch the girls while he has been in the hospital. My little sister is on her way up here today from Nevada to help us. I can't wait to see her, it's been a while! So nice of them to come help!

John has an his appointment on Thursday to get set for the Tomotherapy radiation. He will have to get small tattoos on his skin so they can treat the correct place each time he goes in.

The lab in California received John's tumor sample on Tuesday afternoon and had already started on it. They had to separate the normal cells from the cancer cells and then they could get started. They are rushing it for John. Awesome, because we are in a hurry!

I can't believe all the wonderful people out there in the world!! I can't believe that we are a part of this and are able to receive so much charity and love from tons of people! I am in awe at the amazing things people think of. I keep finding myself thinking that if I heard of someone going through a hard time, would I think of such good ideas to help them? This crazy cancer journey has been going on so long that we have been on the receiving end for too long! and still people are so giving and helpful!!!

Still feeling blessed in this way and also comforted by the Lord. What a blessing to know that we can always rely on our Heavenly Father for what we need a lot of, comfort! We love all you family and friends and thank you so much for all you have done for us and for John!!

Btw.... I started this blog earlier today and so John is home and resting and doing a lot better than yesterday, so I'm sure he will feel tons better tomorrow. :) and Roxy is having an "upside down party" while doing a head stand. So fun! haha

Biopsy/Surgery

So yesterday we went to see the doctor to get a consult for John's biopsy. The doctor was out of town until yesterday and that's why we had to wait so long. This Doctor is a Cardiovascular Surgeon. He was an older man and he knew what he was doing. He was the kind of doctor that talks to you like a doctor, like you know what he is even talking about?
So I still have tons of questions but we had to hurry because after waiting for an hour to see him we had to rush back to get the girls from the sitter.

When we told him about the test that John wanted to do with the biopsy, he wanted to run a few more tests on John's tumor of his own. He had all these ideas and was naming them one by one to us, I have no idea what the heck he was even saying. John wants to do this, so I am supporting him.

The actual biopsy is going to be more like a surgery, he has to go in on Monday morning at 10:30 to Ogden Regional, and then he will be staying over for one night.
The procedure will include the Doctor making 3 different incisions on Johns life side to get the his biggest tumor in his lungs. He will be putting a camera and two things in to grab the tumor.
He is going to take a look inside John's breathing tube where the tumor is and check to see if the tumor is inside of it or just near it.

If the tumor is inside the doctor will want John to get a type of radiation down his throat, The radiation down his throat he would have to go to sleep and get this done every 3 months or so (they think). If the tumor is not inside then they can just do targeted radiation which is not as harsh and he would not have to go to sleep for it. I am almost certain that it is inside of the tube because John has a wheezing noise sometimes when he breathes.

So they will have to deflate his left lung to get the samples from it, and they will be putting a tube in to inflate his lung when they are done, they want to keep him over night so they can monitor his pain.

I am freaking out at this point about all this because when my Dad was sick the doctors wanted to get a sample of his tumors for study purposes which they told my Dad that it would be for him, but I really think was for them! My Dad had a hole in his back that never really healed, he had a tube to drain the fluid, he was in lot of pain. My Mom said if she could go back she would not have my Dad get that done. I know that John and my Dad are different situations but it's hard when I am remember seeing my Dad so sick. John keeps telling me "It's not the same as your Dad." I know this, but I am just nervous! John is the one who has to go through it and I just don't want to see him hurting and sick again. I can't forget how sick he was 3 years ago on the radiation treatments he had on his neck. He was throwing up tons and lost tons of weight! He was extremely dehydrated by the end of all of it!

After they can get the biopsy done he will be going into the radiation specialist to get his body scan and tattoo the spots where they will be radiating his pelvic bone with the TomoTherapy. Then they said it takes almost a week after that to get everything set and ready for him. He will be getting 15 treatments in a row (on business days). Then he will be starting back on the Avastin and they should have the results back from the chemo testing place in California by then.

By the time they can get all this done it will have been 3 weeks since his last scan! Holy cow! It seems like forever becasuse his tumors grew so fast in those 4 weeks before that. I don't want him have to get these treatments but for the peace of mind I do. Just so we know that he is trying. He is determinded and ready for it. He is staying really positive and doing very well in that way. I am so proud of him for his courage at a time when I am completely nervous.

(My cousin Naomi gave us her free photo session, isn't that wonderful?)

Thank you everyone for everything you have done for us and for all support! It's unreal how people have helped us throughout all this!! Love you ALL!!!

More decisions.....

A few weeks ago John went to see a spine and neck specialists because his neck has been hurting for such a long time. I figure they could do some physical therapy or SOMETHING for him.
So the Spine doctor order a PET scan which is a scan they can see the whole body from the eyes to the toes. The last PET Scan John received was in Feb. 2010. I think the doctor wanted to rule out cancer in his neck before he treated John, just to be on the safe side.
So John called for the results on Tuesday and he told John he had seen some growth from his last PET Scan. The next day we met with his Oncologist and looked over the images with him to find a tumor in his left pelvic bone near his spine. Also we learned that his largest tumor in his lungs has doubled in size.
Upon hearing the news, I was very disappointed. All the hard work we have been putting in with the natural efforts and juggling everything else felt like it was pointless, maybe damaging. But we will NEVER know why this has happened.
John is going to stay on a healthy diet, no sugar, no meat, no dressings, no dairy, basically.
I am pretty sure he has decided to go the Chemo/Radiation route. He has an appointment Monday with a doctor in Layton to do radiation on his pelvic tumor. It's a radiation called Tomotherapy, I added a new link on the right side about that. He is going to be getting a biopsy from his lungs sent down to be tested in California where they will test 30 different types of Chemo to his tumors to see which one works best.
He will be getting radiation on the tumor in his lungs down his mouth, once every 3 months maybe.
He will be going back on the Avastin and get the chemo at the same time. Unless the testing in California determines a different drug for him.
So all this will start here in the next week or two. I am not looking forward to John being more sick than he already is. It's finally summer, and he is probably going to miss it. I am trying to get mentally prepared for what is to come.
The decisions are the hardest thing lately that we have been going through!
Thank you everyone for your support and prayers, keep them coming. :)

We love you all!!!(Shay's Kindergarten Graduation yesterday)

3 and a half years

It's been a long 3 1/2 years since John has been diagnosed with cancer. Lots of ups and downs!!! It's crazy to go back and think about all the things we have come across, choices we have had to make, and people who have helped us along the way.
What a blessing to live in this age where we were able to find out what John has and have the friends and family around us to support us through this journey.
I can't help but think back and remember how blessed we really are and how it feels like John has had cancer for a LONG time now. I don't really remember what it was like before. It's a part of us, it's a big part of my life.
I just keep thinking how I don't want to lose John and how hard it would be for me and my girls. As John just slowly gets sicker and sicker I try not to remember all the feelings and thoughts I had when my Dad was sick with cancer. I try to tell myself it's not the same, but I sure do know what it feels like to lose and miss someone that is so close.
It's almost been 13 years since my Dad died. I still miss him everyday and wish I could just call and talk to him and ask him what to do. I don't want to miss John like that too!
I wish there was someone who could tell us this will make John better, this is exactly what you should do. I wish we knew what the future held then we could plan accordingly. That's been one of the hardest things is having to wait and see what happens. I am not very patient but I have learned a lot of it!
So thankful for the gospel in my life!! Don't know what I would be doing without it. I am so thankful for the Savior and for his sacrifice for me, for John! I know John will be blessed and taken care of no matter what. I love my family and I am so grateful to be able to have the chance to be with them forever.

Cancer Will

A poem I wrote about John's cancer:

Cancer Will

Cancer will make me tired and weak

Cancer will change the future I seek.

Cancer will always put a damper on my life

Cancer will affect my girls and my wife.

Cancer will challenge my mental state

Cancer will scare me as I wait.

Cancer will put my life oh hold

Cancer will kill me, so I am told.

Cancer will NOT ruin my dreams

Cancer will NOT put out my light beams.

Cancer will NOT let me miss out on time

Cancer will NOT make me worry about a dime.

Cancer will NOT take away the life I have found

Cancer will NOT hold me down to the ground.

Cancer will NOT waiver my strong faith today

Cancer will NOT bring me down, there is no way!

Overwhelming

A little over a week ago, John went in for his routine Doctor's visit and treatment. He called me to tell me that the doctor had found more growth on his tumors in his lungs. The doctor gave him the options of Chemo, radiation down his throat, and going to see a lung specialist to do surgery on the biggest tumor and still do the Avastin that he was doing all year.
After that he gave John a few days to decide, we know that chemo does nothing for John's cancer, the doctor gave John 6-12 months to live with doing nothing, and said if he did the treatments that he would maybe live another year on top of that. Now we all know how miserable people are when there on chemo treatments. The doctor said that the treatments he is offering will not cure him, but might extend his life.
The week before my Mom had contacted this natural doctor and we were already talking with him about John before we found out the bad news. So as we continued to talk with him, we decided to try his methods for 6 months and opt out of the chemo.
This is a huge decision that wasn't taken lightly. We received our package from the doctor yesterday with all the natural remedies and John did some yesterday and is started full on today.
Just a little bit overwhelming, but we are determined to get John feeling better. He has been feeling sick for a long while now, tired mostly and headaches, body aches. He is uncomfortable almost all the time. He is doing such a good job at trying to stay positive, even though it's the hardest thing he is facing.
We don't need any more ideas for now, we are just trying to get going on this, and try to stay positive about it. I will put more about that on another post one day. :)
Thank you to everyone for your prayers, but keep them coming for John!! He needs them!

Paranoid much????

So lately John has been getting bad headaches again. He was getting them in the Summer really bad, we think from the Sun. So he decided he just needs to wear sun glasses during the Summer. But now, we don't know why. There are many different side effects from the Avastin drug he is still going every three weeks for. So whenever there is anything wrong or John is not feeling well we get all paranoid and worried. It's really scary and most the time it's nothing, but he is constantly having to get checked out.

Yesterday he was sent to the ER from the urgent care because he has been seeing black out of his left eye and he has been getting those headaches. They did an MRI, because those symptoms can be signs of mini strokes. Which are a symptom of the Avastin. He wasn't having those, but the doctor referred him to an ophthalmologist to check his eyes. He told John that his retina could be detaching from where ever it attaches. I'm not sure any details, John is not the detail story telling type of guy. He is supposed to make the appointment for today, so I will update once we find out, I think everything is ok, we just have the case of major Parannoia!!!!

Can you blame us?We just started dating right before we graduated.

I love him!

Right after we got married, living in WA
look how young. and my hair was way too SHORT! ha