Cancer Will

A poem I wrote about John's cancer:

Cancer Will

Cancer will make me tired and weak

Cancer will change the future I seek.

Cancer will always put a damper on my life

Cancer will affect my girls and my wife.

Cancer will challenge my mental state

Cancer will scare me as I wait.

Cancer will put my life oh hold

Cancer will kill me, so I am told.

Cancer will NOT ruin my dreams

Cancer will NOT put out my light beams.

Cancer will NOT let me miss out on time

Cancer will NOT make me worry about a dime.

Cancer will NOT take away the life I have found

Cancer will NOT hold me down to the ground.

Cancer will NOT waiver my strong faith today

Cancer will NOT bring me down, there is no way!

Overwhelming

A little over a week ago, John went in for his routine Doctor's visit and treatment. He called me to tell me that the doctor had found more growth on his tumors in his lungs. The doctor gave him the options of Chemo, radiation down his throat, and going to see a lung specialist to do surgery on the biggest tumor and still do the Avastin that he was doing all year.
After that he gave John a few days to decide, we know that chemo does nothing for John's cancer, the doctor gave John 6-12 months to live with doing nothing, and said if he did the treatments that he would maybe live another year on top of that. Now we all know how miserable people are when there on chemo treatments. The doctor said that the treatments he is offering will not cure him, but might extend his life.
The week before my Mom had contacted this natural doctor and we were already talking with him about John before we found out the bad news. So as we continued to talk with him, we decided to try his methods for 6 months and opt out of the chemo.
This is a huge decision that wasn't taken lightly. We received our package from the doctor yesterday with all the natural remedies and John did some yesterday and is started full on today.
Just a little bit overwhelming, but we are determined to get John feeling better. He has been feeling sick for a long while now, tired mostly and headaches, body aches. He is uncomfortable almost all the time. He is doing such a good job at trying to stay positive, even though it's the hardest thing he is facing.
We don't need any more ideas for now, we are just trying to get going on this, and try to stay positive about it. I will put more about that on another post one day. :)
Thank you to everyone for your prayers, but keep them coming for John!! He needs them!

Paranoid much????

So lately John has been getting bad headaches again. He was getting them in the Summer really bad, we think from the Sun. So he decided he just needs to wear sun glasses during the Summer. But now, we don't know why. There are many different side effects from the Avastin drug he is still going every three weeks for. So whenever there is anything wrong or John is not feeling well we get all paranoid and worried. It's really scary and most the time it's nothing, but he is constantly having to get checked out.

Yesterday he was sent to the ER from the urgent care because he has been seeing black out of his left eye and he has been getting those headaches. They did an MRI, because those symptoms can be signs of mini strokes. Which are a symptom of the Avastin. He wasn't having those, but the doctor referred him to an ophthalmologist to check his eyes. He told John that his retina could be detaching from where ever it attaches. I'm not sure any details, John is not the detail story telling type of guy. He is supposed to make the appointment for today, so I will update once we find out, I think everything is ok, we just have the case of major Parannoia!!!!

Can you blame us?We just started dating right before we graduated.

I love him!

Right after we got married, living in WA
look how young. and my hair was way too SHORT! ha

Tests

On Facebook I keep reading status updates about tests and finals for college students. While all you were taking your tests, John was taking different kinds of tests.

John has been having a very hard time sleeping at night, which causes him to be exhausted during the day. He wakes up several time throughout the night. One morning while I lay there awake I heard John stop breathing a few times during his sleep. So that worried us!

Also John has been saying that his heart hurts, and that it feels weird or different. He says it is hard for him to explain.

He also tells me a lot that his lungs feel like they are burning, we don't know what that means.

It was sad the other day when John woke up to read his morning news it said "If you have any type of lung disease do not go outside at all" because of the inversion down here in Utah. He has to go outside, so I went and bought him a scarf that has seems to be helping the coughing when he comes in from the car.

So at his latest Doctor appointment, we talked about all these things. He wanted him to get a ultrasound of his heart, and a test to take home at night to check his oxygen levels. The test at home they said his oxygen was supposed to be over 90 and we saw it drop a few times under that. So I pray that everything turns out okay.

We will be getting results next week for these tests. They said if his sleep test at home is bad then he will have to go to the hospital for a more detailed test. Also John's next scan wont be until January 12th. Dr. G says that CT Scans can cause cancer later, so he doesn't want John getting too many. So every 4 months from now on.

I wish that the kinds of tests John was taking were finals for college. But I can only wish. We are trying to stay positive and not stress out until we need to.

New news and new Images...

For those of you who are wondering, this is John's largest tumor. It's not very big, but it is near the airway from the esophagus. It hasn't grown at all since we found out about it. All the other little gray dots are tumors as well, but aren't quite the size of his big one. It's so weird all those tumors are inside John.

John has been missing a lot of work these past couple of weeks due to headaches and being extremely tired. He has been keeping in tough with his oncologist and he want to get a MRI of John head this next week. I'm not sure of his reasons yet, but we will see the Doctor when John gets his treatment next week.

I guess you could say I am a lot nervous and just trying to take it day by day. Please keep John in your prayers and hope for the best for him. Thank you!!

Every three weeks

Lately it seems like everything is sorta getting back to normal. We moved into a little house still in Kaysville down the street from our old apartment. We are just renting and loving the yard. John is still working and doing pretty good.He started to get these headaches, we think because of sinuses. That's the only concern we have had. He is now on a antibiotic for it and we think that they are helping, because he hasn't had a headache since. John wants to get surgery on his eye again so it will stop watering. So we are working with the insurance on that right now to see if they will cover it.

We are just going through our days and things are normal but every three weeks we are reminded that John needs another treatment for this lung cancer he has. I am so thankful that John is doing as well as he is and that he at least has an option to do something. It's better than nothing. (John hates this picture, but I LOVE it!!)

Flying on a B-17 & Results

(The B-17)

My Mom's husband Mike gave John another opportunity of a lifetime!! He set John up to fly on this awesome B-17. They are rare now days, so it's truly amazing to be able to see one, let alone fly on one. The EAA (Experimental Aircraft Association) had a B-17 tour stop here in Ogden Utah, this year. So on the 5th of June he was able to take a 30 minute flight on it. He said it was amazing!! I wasn't able to go & we didn't end up getting a picture of John and the plane, but he has some on his phone I will post later. Two of his sisters Clarissa & Missi bought him a shirt with the logo on the B-17 in the picture. Thanks ladies! Thank you to Mike for setting this up for John!!! You have done so much already for John, and it means a lot to me!

We FINALLY got some results from John's CT scan he had last week. He had a treatment and met with the Doctor yesterday. He informed John that the tumors have not grown and are the same. It has been 3 months since his last scan, so this is excellent new to us! We are happy with it!

I want to thank everyone for all your support these last couple months!!!!!!!