3 and a half years

It's been a long 3 1/2 years since John has been diagnosed with cancer. Lots of ups and downs!!! It's crazy to go back and think about all the things we have come across, choices we have had to make, and people who have helped us along the way.
What a blessing to live in this age where we were able to find out what John has and have the friends and family around us to support us through this journey.
I can't help but think back and remember how blessed we really are and how it feels like John has had cancer for a LONG time now. I don't really remember what it was like before. It's a part of us, it's a big part of my life.
I just keep thinking how I don't want to lose John and how hard it would be for me and my girls. As John just slowly gets sicker and sicker I try not to remember all the feelings and thoughts I had when my Dad was sick with cancer. I try to tell myself it's not the same, but I sure do know what it feels like to lose and miss someone that is so close.
It's almost been 13 years since my Dad died. I still miss him everyday and wish I could just call and talk to him and ask him what to do. I don't want to miss John like that too!
I wish there was someone who could tell us this will make John better, this is exactly what you should do. I wish we knew what the future held then we could plan accordingly. That's been one of the hardest things is having to wait and see what happens. I am not very patient but I have learned a lot of it!
So thankful for the gospel in my life!! Don't know what I would be doing without it. I am so thankful for the Savior and for his sacrifice for me, for John! I know John will be blessed and taken care of no matter what. I love my family and I am so grateful to be able to have the chance to be with them forever.